on being 27 and single…

I never wanted to marry young. Ever since high school I thought 26 or 27 would be a good age to start dating. There was too much to do before then…books to read, places to go, people to meet. I didn’t want anything or anyone holding me back.

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Now I’m 27 and I definitely want to get married.

Turns out people have a lot of opinions about that.

I’m told my husband will come “if I just stop looking.”

No. False. I spent 25 years “not looking” and he never came. There have also been seasons in the last few years where I haven’t been looking – not in the least – yet he never appeared.

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What does “stop looking” even mean? To stop wanting? To stop hoping? To never have a crush? It’s not like I’m throwing myself naked at men or writing my digits on bathroom stalls. I’m not a serial dater; I’m not desperate.

I just want to get married. Yet people tell me I should stop that, to “stop looking”- as if having the *desire* is the problem, the very obstacle holding me back from my one true love.

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If only I could stop looking! Then he will magically appear before me on one knee, right??? ‘Cause that’s how life works.

When I read stories in the Bible I see people waiting, longing, hoping, expecting. To receieve something, to be freed from something. What I don’t see are verses telling those people to stop looking for what they want, because then they will surely receive it.

Instead, by faith by faith by faith.

I 100% believe that God is intentional with our seasons of waiting & wanting. He doesn’t want us to yearn for anything more than we yearn for Him, but I don’t believe he wants us to repress our longing for husband / baby / job / whatever. He wants for us to turn to him with that longing. Not to ignore it.

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Another concern people have when they discover I want to get married is that I’m not “content.” Because clearly if I were content I wouldn’t want anything I don’t have.

Is that what being content means? Not wanting anything… ever?

Let me tell you this. I love my life. I love living in the South, where my car isn’t covered in snow November-March. I love working at a place where I can rock purple hair and tattoos. And somehow I’ve hit the jackpot with relationships- friends and family and roommates galore.

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Not only am I content with my life, I freaking love it.

I also want to get married.

Wanting to get married doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for all those things I mentioned. I still love them. And I want a husband. Can it really be???

Other things I’ve been told: “you’re too picky” (cough cough mom) and “instead of waiting for your husband to come, you should work on becoming the kind of wife God wants you to be.”

Does this mean I need to memorize Proverbs 31?

I get that people have good intentions, that they want to help. But what they’re communicating when they say these things is “the reason you aren’t married yet is because you’re doing something wrong.” If you would just stop doing this or start doing that, then you’ll get what you want.

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It’s very disheartening… if not a bit demeaning.

People don’t say that to women who want to have kids, but can’t… do they? Or to someone who is unemployed and looking for a job? Someone who is waiting and longing for physical healing?

Sometimes life doesn’t play out the way we want. And so we hope. We wait. We cry to our counselor and we wipe our tears away, ready to face another day.

We pray to God for strength.

Waiting isn’t easy, and that’s okay. There isn’t a formula for everything. This life is about living in the tension between making the most of it and waiting, longing, for what is to come. The earth is groaning in anticipation! We don’t tell the rocks and mountains to just stop looking…

I can’t speak for the other single ladies out there, but I’ll go ahead and speak for myself. When I tell you I want to get married please don’t try to fix me. Don’t accuse me of being discontent. Just listen. Pray for me instead. Lend me some faith when mine is slipping away. That’s all I really want. (Ice cream doesn’t hurt either…)

I’ll do the same for you, whatever it is you may be longing for.

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And if you happen to know a great, single, bearded guy who wouldn’t mind a feisty female by his side…that’s cool too.

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About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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18 Responses to on being 27 and single…

  1. Boss Man says:

    Agreed. Go after what you want. I’ll keep working on finding that bearded guy. You keep being feisty.

  2. suzyhachey says:

    i love you. i’m linking to this post in my upcoming post because it’s profoundly important and true, Hope. thanks for having the tatas to say it.

    {also, we’re hanging out soon. there, i said it. demanded it, really. & i’ll come bearing the icecream, obviously.}

  3. lexiedache says:

    very well written! this is a hard topic to write about … I’ve shied away from it in fear of people shouting their opinions (like the “don’t go looking! be satisfied!” etc)… Appreciate the way you wrote this!

  4. liziclem says:

    A freaking MEN! Preach sister :) I love this and I want to share the word the Lord gave last night at church. Risk anticipation. There is a risk in hoping and dreaming but if there is not anticipation then there is no revelation. It’s scary and dangerous to ask and desire but with out it we live with the expectation that nothing good will ever happen and I am not about to believe that. Love you can’t wait to see you and praying for that a bearded man to sweep you off your feet!

    Lizi

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  5. Pingback: for husband-hunting: part one {+ an apology}. | 'tis the season.

  6. penguin says:

    Hi, stumbled upon ur blog. Yea, theres nothing wrong at all with ur desire!

    I agree on e prayer party. Do pray to God that he will introduce a husband to u. I did in 2012 after years of dating guys not suitable for me. And im getting married this year to a man after God’s heart, someone who is much more suitable for me than anyone I dated before! :) im sure God will work a miracle in your life too as he loves u!

  7. You can speak for me anytime! Love your wisdom, it’s encouraging for a fellow single 27 year old who has heard much of the same lines. Here’s to 2014 being year of the Husband?!

    • Kely says:

      Feel you when you say “I want a husband” or “I want to get married.” The question is – do you want to BE A WIFE? Do you wand to BE and STAY married or you are set in your ways and just want someone to follow your manifesto? You see, what I have discovered the hard way is that there is a big difference between wanting a husband vs wanting to BE a wife :) or to get married vs to BE and stay married! The first is a bit selfish, like getting a cool purse or dress because all my girlfriends have it and it’s weird without one, especially when you go in public. The latter however is sacrificial, it’s what God has intended. And the final question is, are we willing to submit to our husbands just like the church must submit to Christ or we just want a “husband” to fill in the ________ (s) of our egocentric lives?

      • marissa says:

        Hope, you are one of the most sacrificial and loving people I know. So much so that sometimes I still don’t believe you are real because you’ve affected and LOVED and GIVEN to so many people it boggles my mind. I’m blown away by how sacrificial of your time and energy and attention and LOVE you are. I say this because YOU ALREADY ARE a good wife to the husband God has chosen for you. And I can’t wait to dance at your wedding. BELIEVE IN 2014!

  8. Alys Seay says:

    You can speak for me Hope:)

  9. I was going to make a hilarious reply to the last line, but thought it wouldn’t be very nice to do that and probably awkward. Great post either way as a 28 year old bearded single man. lol

  10. Mac says:

    Hey friend. Great stuff. Made me laugh. I feel ya’ on all this. Short sentences. Why am I writing like this? Anyhow…you’re awesome…keep praying and hoping.

    Also, does bearded guy know he’ll have to change his last name?

  11. Jenn says:

    Hope! Glad you wrote this. If it helps at all, I do not think there is anything wrong with you wanting to be married. I think it’s beautiful and honest and I wish more people would share their heart like that. I’ve been watching a sermon series thingy (basically like TED Talks for Christians) called The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas and I’ve found it really helpful for a number of reasons.. 1. Debunking some myths I’ve believed all my life about marriage (Okay, let’s change that 23 years in…) and 2. Simply that it’s okay to desire marriage! Anyways, maybe you won’t find the series helpful (I’m only 4 talks in) and maybe you will, but it came to mind as I was reading your post. (Can I add any more side comments in parenthesis?)

    Thanks for writing… as per usual :) Excited to see the bearded man you link up your life with!

  12. andinamaste says:

    I think you’re lovely and a treasure. I really enjoyed when you discussed the wanting of a husband/date/whatever compared to your contentedness… great perspective and so true! We DO live in a constant tension between loving where we are and being excited for what’s next. What a transformative idea to dwell on!

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