So, the parasite antibiotic I’m taking continues to kill not only the little worms inside me, but apparently the rest of my body as well. Last night I thought my heart was literally going to break through my chest. I had read that heart palpitations were a side effect, but until last night I hadn’t suffered any, so I figured I was good to go. I was wrong.
I’ve come to DREAD being on this medication (side note: it caused cancer in lab rats), and I’m literally counting down the days until it’s over (right now I have 7.5 days left – but if I up my dosage again I will have fewer days…it will probably be more miserable, but it will be over faster. What to do?)
I was complaining about my heart palpitations and all the other side effects to my friend Liz today, and later when she was praying for me she thanked God that there were antibiotics for parasites, and that they were available for us here in the States.
Perspective, people. I’m going to try to stop hating these white pills with a fiery passion, and instead attempt to be thankful for them. I can tell you this: I’m so thankful I don’t have a job right now, because it would be rough to get through working days on this antibiotic.
Speaking of not having a job, I was rejected again today. It really surprised me. I had applied at this daycare, had a great interview, and even went in one morning for a trial run. They seemed to love me, and I was worried I would actually have to pretend to like small children for the next several months. I got a phone call yesterday, and I purposely didn’t answer it because I wasn’t emotionally prepared to accept the job right then. The owner left me a voicemail in a chipper voice telling me to call her back. I waited until this morning to call her back. First, I had to ready my heart before God.
Even though working with well-pampered infants is pretty much the exact opposite of what I want to do (my dream is to work with impoverished teenagers), I got over myself and told God that I would accept whatever it was he had for me. I would accept this daycare job. I would do it for God and trust in his plan.
Holding back tears, I picked up the phone and called the owner back, ready to say I would dedicate my time and energy to her daycare. Instead I found myself listening to her give me the same schpeal I’ve heard before: “You were a top canditate. You were incredible. Everyone on staff loved you. You were amazing with the kids. It was a tough choice.”
Blah blah blah what they’re saying is I’m good, just not good enough. She said it came down to the fact that the other candidate had more childcare experience than me. This makes me wonder if perhaps I should pursue an acting career after all, because I thoroughly convinced this woman that I love small children.
I was talking with my fellow unemployed friend Emily this afternoon, and we laughed about all the interviews we’ve been through and how we pretend to be passionate about things like lumber and childcare, when in reality we’d rather have our eyelids stapled open.
This job rejection didn’t hurt me like the YMCA one did (on the contrary, I was relieved.) But it did confuse me. I don’t really know what God is up to – I keep thinking he is trying to humble me by having me work a job I’m less than thrilled about, but when I’m finally ready to accept these jobs they are taken away. Am I Abraham? Is God just testing me? If so, where is my ram / really awesome job / any kind of job?
I don’t know. But I do know that all this is happening for a reason – that all these doors are being slammed in my face for a reason other than I’m not good enough. I keep bringing myself back to those words God spoke to me a few weeks ago: I know you. God knows me, and he knows what’s going on – even though I’m clueless.
I think I’m going to start praying for prophetic dreams again. Feel free to call me Joseph from now on. Or you could stick with Abraham. Or whatever.
On a happy note, Shauna Niequist wrote me back on facebook. She’s the writer I’m currently obsessed with, and a few weeks ago I sent her a facebook message, just like any #1 fan would do. I’ll admit, I was a little bummed she didn’t reply back, but I forgave her. And then today, volah! A message from her. This is what it said:
Thanks so much for your message. Thrilled that you’re enjoying the book. And yes, Aaron Hofman and I used to serve in the same student ministry, ages and ages ago. Small world indeed.
Um…we’re pretty much best friends. The world makes sense once again.