After yet another job rejection a few weeks ago, something clicked in my mind. I wrote about it briefly in another blog entry, saying that I realized I was getting rejected from these jobs for a reason other than I wasn’t good enough. Because really, I should have been getting some of these jobs. Not because I’m awesome, but because they were lowly jobs that were hiring, and I had experience in them.
While I was getting rejected from these humdrum jobs for which I was qualified, I was also checking craigslist daily and emailing a good amount of families about nannying. I never heard back, or it never worked out. I posted my own ad on craigslist advertising my nanny skills – it was removed because of inappropriate material? Or some bizarre reason. I applied at places where my friends work – one friend told me I had an 80% chance of being hired, another friend said my chances were 100%.
I used to keep track of every place I applied to – but eventually I gave up because the number was getting too large.
When friends or family would inquire about my job hunt, they would always shake their head sympathetically and blame the economy.
But after my last rejection, I knew it wasn’t the economy. It was God. And so I prayed and asked what God was trying to show me. And he led me to something. But I wouldn’t act on it unless I was certain it was from him. There are a lot of little, beautiful details involved, but let me just say he made it clear, and so I’m going.
Beginning in the middle of January I will co-lead a team of college students on a four month mission trip. Right now the destination is Nicaragua, but that is subject to change. This mission trip, or “Real Life Trip,” as they’re called, is through Adventures in Missions, which is the same organization that hosts the World Race. The idea of leading a Real Life Trip actually came to me when I was on the World Race, but I put the idea out of my mind once I was home.
I felt called to home for many reasons. God had spoken over this season of my life as one of rest, healing, reflection, and preparation. I always had in my mind that this season might end in January, but I usually assumed it would be until May. I thought I needed that much time to fully fulfill everything God had laid out before me.
How wrong I was. I’m left amazed at how much transformation I’ve gone through in just the last few months. Age-old wounds have been ripped open and deep-rooted deficiencies have been exposed. I’ve finally invited Jesus into such areas, which has left me feeling more free than I’ve ever been.
Not having a job has given me the time to spend my days on the floor of my bedroom, praying and listening to God.
It’s given me the opportunity to rest. To pursue healing. To prepare for what is next.
All the while a gnawing ache to lead has been festering in my soul. I’ve discovered freedom in Jesus in a whole new way, and I long to share this with people who are hungry to learn. I was made to lead; I was made to bring hope. And God has given me an opportunity to use my gifts in a distinct way by leading this trip.
But first, I still have three more months of rest, healing, reflection and preparation. And I’m excited. I’m excited to see what else God has in store for me during this season.
I’m still applying and praying for a job. I’m reallllly hoping I can get a seasonal one – I have an interview at a shoe store when I come back from Georgia.
Whatever happens, I trust that God knows me, and he will never cease to take care of my every need. He watched me sob on my bed after I got rejected from the YMCA, he listened as I ranted to him about how I couldn’t dream of anything bigger than that job, and he let it all happen because he knew of something better for me. Even if it’s what I least expected.