boy-fast update.

I’ve been fasting from boys for the last few months. This basically means no flirting, not getting too close emotionally and stopping myself from thinking that every unattached guy I meet is probably my future husband.

I’ve been doing pretty well…mainly because I never see or meet any guys these days. There was this one guy I had a crush on, but I basically avoided him (still do), which is easy because when I briefly talked to him a few weeks ago I was reminded of how uncomfortably awkward I can be around guys I like. I talk too quickly and laugh too loudly and often say/do strange things. So really it’s best for everyone if I just stay away.

So yeah, my fast from boys was going pretty well. Until I went to training camp. Where there were lots of boys. Christian boys. Cute Christian boys. Cute Christian boys with beards. What’s a girl to do? Obviously wonder which one of them is my future mate.

I didn’t protect my mind as well as I should have. If I happened to meet a guy from the same tri-state area as me, I figured it was a sign from God. I even thought things like, “well, we are meeting now so God can bring us back together in two years when I’m done with Teach for America. We’ll have an epic romance that will overcome distance and time.” Bad, Hope. Bad bad bad.

I didn’t protect my mind, but I did protect my actions. Which was hard. You know how when you have a crush on someone you always want to be in the same room as them? Well I would leave that room. It was contrary to everything I wanted, but I did it anyway. And it felt a little bit like I was dying (dramatic, I know), but I’m trusting that by not giving into instant gratification, I’ll find greater gratification later in life.

Something I’ve learned during this boy fast is that I can’t allow myself to act like myself around single guys. Let me explain. I’m a big-eyed, lean forward, jump up-and-down, scream and hug you, slap your arm if you say something funny, passionate, loud, excited person. I’m like this with most everyone. Young, old, black, white, girl, boy, single, married. If my grandma is telling me a story, I’ll be leaning forward, making intense eye contact, vigorously nodding my head, losing my breath with laughter, etcetera etcetera. I’d be doing the same thing if my girlfriend was telling me a story. Or my girlfriend’s husband. But if I’m doing that – aka being myself – with a single guy, suddenly it’s flirting.

This is something I’ve been mulling over for a month or so, ever since this one kind of random guy got my phone number and texted me and asked if I was in a relationship and flirted with me and stuff. I wondered, had I given him the impression that I was interested? The only thing I could think of was how I said to him, “I like your style” because he let us leave early. But I would’ve said that to anyone.

This past week my friends took a picture of me “flirting” with a guy and sent it to my phone. I protested and said that I wasn’t, that I know when I’m flirting and I certainly wasn’t in that moment, but they wouldn’t have it. And thus I conclude: I can’t let allow myself to act myself when in the company of a single guy. Unless he’s the exception, which is like two guys I know (whaddup Benji and Geoff!)

The thing is, I don’t want to mislead any guys into thinking I like them. Even if I’m only being myself, or even if I really doooo like them. Because I know now is not my time. I’m going to be one of those “thirty, flirty and thriving” people. Except I’ll be “thirty, not flirty and thriving.” Cute.

So, even though I’d much rather be a Sarah Jessica Parker circa Sex and the City, I know I’m supposed to be a nun. Whoopie Goldberg style.

<— bad!        <— good!


About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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10 Responses to boy-fast update.

  1. marissavilla says:

    Sorry about the picture. :/ But it WAS kind of funny. But I do like you when you’re yourself. A lot.

    • Hope Naomi says:

      lol the picture was pretty hilarious. next time you’ll have to take one of me just standing there – mute and lifeless. i’m sure ill be a hit among the dudes then…

  2. Pingback: Fasting from boys is harder than fasting from frappuccinos « His grace to me was not without effect

  3. Bono says:

    Whoopi can be bad. She used to come backstage during the Achtung Baby days and drink us under the table. “Sister Act” was totally an act. Except the sequel, some of that did happen.

  4. Bono says:

    Oh, and my “I like your style” is when I tilt my glasses. I’m trying to make some warm eye contact, not leave my wife for you. Come on, people! I’ve found what I’m looking for.

  5. walkonthechildside says:

    Girl, you need to be yourself. Remember in college we’d talk to boys and say, “If you’re treating a girl differently than you treat other girls, that’s why she thinks you like her. Duh.” I think the same goes for you. If you’re not treating a guy differently than you treat all other people, then it is their issue if they take it as flirting. They should be more observant of how you are around everyone else–which is fun, full of life and, dare I say, vivacious. 🙂

  6. chels says:

    i thought you were going to be a live wire but you’re a dead post! but dude, i know what you mean about not being able to act like yourself. like how i love holding hands with anyone and everyone, but i can’t really hold hands with any boy i want now. so. although, i might have snuck a little hand hold with benj at cedar point. i was just so scared of the costumed people, and he’s just our little benji boo. but that wouldn’t fly with anyone else. i don’t mean to contradict you, liz, but i agree with hope on this one.

    • Liz Baker says:

      Okay, maybe I missed the touchy feely part? Because obviously, that would send a message, no matter what your intentions are. I was thinking of the leaning forward, getting excited, being passionate about whatever you’re talking about aspect of Hope. I mean, that’s Hope. She shouldn’t not do that when she talks to boys.

  7. marissavilla says:

    Two things–
    first: this whole conversation is interesting. Because as a non-touchy person if I saw a girl I didn’t know being all touchy with any and every guy I’d probably be like, ew, whatta jerk that girl is. But that’s me being judgmental, right? So how much of it WOULD be on me and how much on the touchy feely girl? How the heck do you find a balance?! Aaaand do we even take someone else who is just an onlooker into account?

    second: I love when Bono comments on your blog. I look forward to those almost as much as I do the actual blog.

    • Bono says:

      Thanks. I love when you girls write, too, and I enjoy keeping an eye on your work with the World Race as I, myself, have my hand in an innumerable amount of charities.

      Of course, if there really was a true World Race involving charities, I would win, lapping Mother Theresa and Gandhi before doing a sensual Bono slide at the finish line.

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