what happened and how did i get here?

Welp, it’s a Friday night and I’m in my plaid pajamas. I could’ve gone to a Halloween party, but who wants to do that when you can stay in bed with a cup of hot cocoa by your side?

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever figure myself out. I love people, I love parties…yet I also love being alone, always. I think the problem is that I’m changing, and I have been for a while, and I don’t know what to do with who I used to be and the person I’m becoming (hence the title of my blog.)

I visited my friend Jolie today. We met five years ago at college and have been best friends ever since. This afternoon we bundled up in fall coats and scarves and took a walk around Wright State’s campus. We were walking and talking and I had one of those moments where I was like….how did I get here?

It felt like Jolie and I had been hanging out in my dorm room – drinking Arby’s milkshakes and talking about her crush on this boy Sean – when suddenly we were snatched up and flashed forward to this particular moment at Wright State. Jolie is now married to Sean and I can’t remember the last time I had a milkshake from Arby’s. What happened?

I guess it’s this whole thing called “growing up” – but I wonder, when does it end, if ever? Will I forever be in a state of “what happened and how did I get here?” or does it stabilize at a certain age, say 37.

Meaning, I’m curious to know if this is just a stage that takes place in my 20s.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how my life right now is not at all what I thought it would be a few months ago. I was going to live with my sister. I thought I would have a job. I was planning to see Les Mis with my parents in the spring…not gonna happen.

I’d like to share with you something I make every once in a while – I call it my “life-line.” Basically, it’s an outline of how I expect my life to turn out. When I look back, they tend to make me laugh.

I created my first one on January 3, 2004:

(Age 18) –  August 2004- Movie to Pittsburg, PA to attend college
(Age 20) – May 2006- Move to CA for 4 months. Work as a waitress and go to auditions.
(Age 20) – August 2006- If no luck with auditions, move back to PA and finish college. Then go back to CA. If success in CA, transfer to a college there
(Age 23-26) – Work as an actress
(Age 26) – Meet future husband, start dating
(Age 27-28) – Continue acting, dating
(Age 28) – Get married with a New Zealand honeymoon
(Age 30) – First kid out of 4 or 5
(Age 30-?) – Work occasional acting jobs, be a mom/wife, take family vacations to South Carolina every year

um, yeah. The first part of this is a joke – I never went to college in Pittsburgh and I never pursued an acting career in California. Maybe I’ll marry at 28 and have a New Zealand honeymoon…but probably not. And I don’t want 4 or 5 of my own kids, no thanks.

My second was was made on November 17, 2006:

(Age 21)- Compete on The Amazing Race with my father. Graduate from college.
(Age 22)- Travel to various countries with YWAM. Miss my first Christmas at home.
(Age 23-29)- Save Darfur. And the invisible children. And the untouched babies in Russia. And all the females in India. Meet wild missionary man and elope. Hopefully wild missionary man will be Donald Miller.
(Age 30-35)- Have a wedding reception in the states for my family and whatever friends I still have. Settle down not in Ohio. Have two children.
(Age 35)- Go back to school to get an education degree. Laugh at all the crazy college kids.
(Age 36-45)- Teach creative writing in high school, take in foster children, volunteer at soup kitchens and nearby prisons.
(Age 45-85)- To be determined.

so this one is a little more on par. I never made it on the Amazing Race with my dad, but I did graduate from college and go on the World Race. I didn’t miss my first Christmas at home at 22 – instead it was 23. I still want to meet a wild missionary man, though I do not want him to be Donald Miller. I still want to be a part of all those things (Darfur, Indian females, Russian babies, etcetera.) I still want to settle somewhere other than Ohio, I still want to be a creative writing teacher and I still want to be a foster parent/volunteer at prisons. Cool.

And lastly, I made one on August 20, 2010:

(Age 24) – Live with parents, work at YMCA, lots of concerts and ballets and musicals and weekend road trips, trip to Saudi Arabia
(Age 25 – 26) – Teach for America
(Age 27) – Start dating a man. Maybe?

Well…we all know I didn’t get the YMCA job. Oh and I’m not going to Saudi Arabia in the spring. And I still don’t know about Teach for America.

If I were to make a life-life today, October 31, 2010, it would look something like this:

(Age 23) – Lead Real Life trip
(Age 24) – ???????
(Age 25) – ??????????
(Age 30) – ?????????????

So, yeah. What’s your life-life? No really, I’m interested.

P.S. And wow. I just realized that I thought I was 23. I noticed I typed 23 for leading a real life trip and then I seriously had to contemplate,”Wait…am I 23, or 24?” OMG I’M THAT OLD PERSON WHO CAN’T REMEMBER HER AGE. I’ve heard of that happening, and I never understood. Now I understand…and I want to cry. Feel free to call me Betty from now on, or whatever your grandmother’s name is.


About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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10 Responses to what happened and how did i get here?

  1. Rothman says:

    My life as of oct 31,2010
    24- go on WR for 4 months
    25-27- lead a WR trip or move to a foreign country for missions (no college)
    27- fall in love with a Jesus lovin worshippin man in Cambodia
    28-get married… small wedding
    28-32- do missions with my hubby…
    32- have kids… and raise them wherever my hubby and I are doing ministry
    35- still no college degree…
    40-80-???????????????????????????????? but be pretty awesome and loving Jesus more than ever. and still married.

  2. jolie says:

    I love this! I love laughing at your old life-lines, I remember reading that first one before. Also I laughed so hard about your emphatic NOT D.Miller. Hilarious. Were the naughty angel pictures the last straw?

    I don’t KNOW what I want my life line to be. I just like to read Jeremiah 29:11


    but really. all it looks like is basically
    23-25 keep teaching
    26 – have a baby
    28 – have a second baby
    30 – adopt a baby? maybe?
    31-36 – adopt more babies

    somewhere in there – get a masters degree, start doing translating work, work with husband on missions trips, love Jesus and life

  3. chels says:

    haha. the sexy angels. are just so…sexy.
    so is jer. 29:11.

    allie, i love how you said “35: still no college degree”

    also, i swear, hope, it was saturday night last night. you went to visit jolie on saturday during the day. i don’t know. you wrote friday on my wall, too. i think you were seriously convinced yesterday was friday, which doesn’t make sense because today’s sunday. WHERES SATURDAY?

    my life line? no idea.
    i have this…
    age 24, move to california…be bitter at hope because she’s not moving with me.
    age 80, maybe get over that bitterness.

  4. jandbdance says:

    i relate most to the life line with all of the question marks. i think i walk around with a question mark permanently hanging over my head. i wonder sometimes if people can see it.

  5. shanaynegans says:

    24-25 Work at Moosejaw in Michigan, or a different sweet outdoor company
    25 Go on a week long mission trip
    25ish-27ish Go on the world race or a different long term mission trip
    28 Meet a sexy sailor (jk) but seriously I would like to meet a sexy man and date him
    29 Marry my sexy sailor
    30 Move to Africa for a year with my sexy sailor
    32-35 Move back to Ohio or maybe Colorado or North Carolina (with my sexy sailor) and start reproducing
    35-40 Get a divorce from my not so sexy sailor anymore JUST KIDDING but seriously I dunno maybe raising my family???
    40-45 Same
    50-55 Same
    60-65 Probably just trying not to pee when I laugh
    70-75 I’ve never thought I would live past 35

  6. Liz Baker says:

    Wow, this is hard…
    29–Have a second baby, maybe buy a house
    30-35–Have/adopt more babies, keeping loving Jesus and my handsome husband
    35-50ish–Primary job title of “Mom”
    50+–Who knows? Still loving Jesus and my husband and oh, maybe grandchildren then

  7. Rainbow says:

    Haha I loved this so much I just can’t resist….

    Age 24- Finish BA degree and take a year off to build my art portfolio and save some money. Still workin in the psych hospital. Potentially lead a Real Life trip.
    25- Start grad school at GWU in D.C. after receiving a full ride (fingers crossed and prayers sent)
    27/28- Graduate with an MAT (Masters in Art Therapy) and MA in Counseling with a specialization in Trauma Victims.
    29- Marry a God fearing man(in a super-fun backyard wedding) that I met somewhere along the way that isn’t intimidated by my education or freaked out by how rediculous and spontaneous I can be despite it.
    Start traveling to the aftermath of every tsunami, earthquake, civil war, and hurricane to do therapy with the affected children and families
    30-50- Keep plane hopping to foreign countries. Maybe teach some University classes in between attempts to be a superhero.
    50+ – Start looking old but keep living young…..

  8. Bono says:

    (Age 19) Release first major label album, entitled Three
    (Ages 20-26) I had few goals for this time that I don’t remember but I remember gleefully, drunkenly achieving all of them
    (Age 27) Achieve first UK #1 song, collaborate with Bob Dylan and BB King
    (Age 28) Meet the Dalai Lama, plot to end world poverty
    (Age 32) See Muppets Christmas Carol in theaters (quite rousing! Shed several tears under my glasses for Tiny Tim)
    (Age 41) Convince sitting US President to commit $5 billion to AIDS relief
    (Age 45) Win 22nd Grammy Award (goodness, those have stacked up!)
    (Age 48) Release 14th Platinum-selling album, “No Line On The Horizon”
    (Age 50) Relax and recover from back injury whilst checking out Hope’s blog
    (Age 51-?) Continue to thrill the hearts of the youth and inspire generations with my philanthropy

  9. Jen says:

    I can’t remember my age either! The other day I told like 4 people that I was 25 and then I literally had to do the math and realized that Holy Crap I’m 26!!!! Then I felt old. I have no idea what my life line would be…it’s too painful to figure out at this point.

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