post-rejection post.

Yesterday I woke up with puffy eyes. Such a lovely reminder that something sad happened the day before. When I was sprawled out on the floor after hearing about my rejection, I couldn’t imagine going on with life the following day. But I got out of bed in the morning. And did what I had to do.

You guys have been so good to me. Your prayers, comments, messages, texts, phone calls and overall compassion and concern have left me in awe of the love that I feel. Thank you. You have no idea how much it has meant to me.

My sister treated me to a sympathy lunch yesterday. I picked her up from work, and when she got in the car she said sincerely, yet dramatically, “Well, it’s best you didn’t get accepted – at least now you don’t have to live in Indianapolis. Really, they did you a favor.” And I laughed. I laughed because I had previously told her that I feared God might place me in Indianapolis. And it’s true, I’d rather not live there. At least now I still have a chance of getting out of the Midwest.

I spent the afternoon doing some yard work for my mom. I listened to a lot of Coldplay. To me, Coldplay is sadly beautiful, and they often leave me feeling a mixture of depression and inspiration. So they were perfect to listen to, because Chris Martin clearly understood my sorrow, but he could also help me see the light.

I went to dance class, came home and took a bath. I can’t remember the last time I took a bath. I used to take baths after a hard, long day at dance in high school, or after a hard, long semester at college. And now, after a hard, long pursuit of a dead dream.

I thought about how happy I am that I dyed my hair the other day. I love love love the physical representation of change. You know, like when someone cuts off his or her hair after a break up. My friend had long, pretty hair when she was dating this guy, and he liked it that way. When they broke up she cut it all off. I love that. I spent the last few years of college growing out my hair – the summer after I graduated I cut it all off. To me, it represented a fresh start. Well, I didn’t cut off my hair this time – I dyed it, and I like it. The course of my life has changed – and so had my hair color.

It’s weird. I thought it would take me a while to get over this heartbreak. But strangely, just a day later, I’m fine. More than fine, actually. I thought I would have more tears to cry. Sometimes when I’m in a lot of pain I use up all my tears – this is not one of those times. I just don’t feel the need to cry – I’m not really sad anymore. I keep thinking, “Welppp, I guess TFA isn’t gonna happen after all. Moving on.” And I am. I honestly believe it’s because of your prayers.

I don’t doubt that I still have grieving to do. But right now I’m excited about the holiday season here with my family, I’m excited about leading a trip to Nicaragua for four months, and I’m excited for whatever may happen after that. The sky’s the limit.

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About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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3 Responses to post-rejection post.

  1. Bono says:

    I’m glad to see God pulling you out from the mire.

    ♬♬When I start to sing the blues, you pull out my dancing shoes; Baby, you could be so good for me!♬♬ Yes, I listen to Amy Grant.

  2. Mona says:

    Hi I came across your blog today…I have been doubting whether or not I got into TFA…I find out this Nov.8th (so around the same time as you last year). I’m sorry you didn’t get in, but I really do see you as an inspiration for those that do not get in. The waiting process is driving me crazy and I keep trying to tell myself that God has a path for me. If TFA happens then it’s meant to be. If it doesn’t, then that just wasn’t the path. Yet I always find myself reflecting upon the final interview, telling myself that I didn’t get in and to just accept it already. Anyways, I love your positivity and I hope that things have gotten better since then. You are very strong and passionate human being. TFA should regret that they didn’t accept you. Wish you the best!

    • Hope Naomi says:

      Hi, Mona! Thanks so, so much for your encouraging comment. And I totally remember the pain of the waiting process – stay strong! I’m pleased to say that now I’m living in Georgia, working for a mission organization and loving my life more than I ever thought possible. A year later, I thank God I wasn’t accepted. This plan was better. I wish you all the best – whether you are accepted or not – I’m sure there are good things in store for you whatever the case may be. Much love, Hope.

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