The other day I had a coffee date with my friend Alie. We met at the same coffee shop where that guy asked for my number – same place, same day, same time. Toward the end of our conversation, Alie and I decided that we would meet there every week at this time. We stood up to leave and I SAW THE GUY. I accidently made eye contact with him (meaning I was staring at him with a relentless force to see if it was indeed him), and then I freaked out. Do I ignore him? Do I say hi? What do I do!?
I waved awkwardly. He didn’t wave back.
And now, I’m assuming I’ll see him every Monday at 6 p.m. for the next eight weeks. He’ll think I made up everything about leaving the country, and perhaps he’ll disown all females for the rest of time. That’s what I get for not being entirely straightforward. Damn. Lesson learned.
My friend Jolie’s husband is gone for the week, so she invited me to spend the night last night. It was so much fun. We sat around in sweatpants, ate homemade chicken alfredo pizza, watched a few episodes of The Office, read through old diary entries about first kisses, and skimmed through old emails we had sent each other years ago.
We were so cute back then – as soon as summer break separated us from each other we would email one another once or twice a day. We would write with descriptive detail about our days apart – what we ate, what we watched, conversations we had with other people, items we purchased, the last time we wore makeup, how many times we blew our nose, and so on and so forth.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship, and how it is one of the most beautiful ideas in the world. Sometimes I forget how special it is. There are certain moments that help me remember… like when I call a friend in tears and don’t feel the least bit stupid, or when I look through old emails with a friend and see how far we’ve come, and how far we still have to go. Honestly, I’m happy I’ve never had a boyfriend. More time with friends!
A few entries ago I wrote about how I was sometimes lonely because I don’t have a lot of single friends around me right now, and the married ones always seem to be busy. The next day God told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Ughhhh, fine, I replied. And suddenly I find myself with all these lovely opportunities to be shared with friends – old and new, single and married. Funny how that happened.
Basically, God is so good. He always was, he always is, and he forever will be. No matter what. I haven’t had an official job for months, yet I’ve never gone without. Sure, I can’t do or buy everything I want, but I remain more than fortunate. God provides me little gigs here and there – a gum tasting experiment, a babysitting job, assisting my friend Kendra with her art, working for my mom – it reminds me of the Israelites when they were lost in the desert. God gave them enough food for that particular day – he commanded them not to gather and save any for the next day. But they did anyway. Duh. The Israelites are just like Americans, and vice versa. We crave security, and we struggle to trust that God will provide for us in the end. But when the Israelites saved the food it was ruined. So they woke up the next morning with nothing to eat. And then God would provide again for them that day. Day by day. So they were dependent on him, not themselves. Cooooooool.
God has never ceased to provide me with money, friends and a future dream. I just have to learn to accept it day by day, instead of huge chunks at a time. I’m getting there, God. Slowly, yet surely. Day by day…
(in case you can’t tell, that’s me there in the middle, with the cool purple and white striped hat.)