a note to myself about being single…

Being single is all I’ve ever known. And to be perfectly honest, I usually enjoy it. I’m never bitter on Valentine’s Day. I’m excited when yet another friend gets engaged or married. I try not to judge when couples sit on the same side of the booth.

The only time I become restless in my singleness is when I genuinely like someone. This doesn’t happen too often, but when I fall, I fall hard.

This time last year I liked a guy. I was crushed under the weight of the feelings I carried for him, because I knew “we” would never happen. Oh, how the yearning heart aches. On this exact day a year ago, I couldn’t take it anymore. I threw myself on my bed and scribbled out these words in my diary:

Remember when you were 19 and you were broken-hearted over yet another unrequited love? Just think of all that would have been lost if you had dated and married him. You wouldn’t have spent two summers working and playing at that camp in the mountains of California. Well, you might’ve, but your heart wouldn’t have been fully there. You would’ve been on the phone with him instead of watching the sun set.

You probably wouldn’t have had as much fun as you did in college. Think of all the activities you were involved in – playing ultimate frisbee, writing weekly columns for the student newspaper, emceeing Campus Crusade events, hanging out with fellow RAs or the residents on your floor, going on mini adventures with Chelsea and Jolie. Think of all the coffee dates you had, not to mention the parties and sleepovers. Remember how left out your friends in relationships were when they spent the weekend with their boyfriends? Well, that was never you.

Think about all the things you’ve done since you graduated college – India, Canada, road trips up and across the U.S., living in Nashville, going on the World Race and who even knows what’s next. You would not be so free to go to all the places or meet as many incredible people as you have if you were dating or married.

Consider all the work God has done in your life – remember when you didn’t want to be a Christian? Good thing you weren’t dating then. You have changed so much over the last few years – you’ve developed God’s beating heart for the poor, you’ve learned how to forgive, you’ve learned (and are still learning) how to put others before yourself. You needed to discover these things before you date – and you still have much more to learn.

Right now God is preparing you, molding you, creating you to be a beautiful woman. When you are ready God will present you to the man he is also preparing. Trust in God’s perfect timing, and in the meantime have some fun.

Travel, explore, making silly music videos, stay up late talking with the girls, ask questions, get in trouble, take pictures, go skinny dipping, read good books, go to movies by yourself, encourage others, love God, grow out your hair and get another tattoo, plan another road trip, try to get on a reality TV show, actually start writing a short story, a book, SOMETHING, be scared, laugh, learn and love.

This time of singleness is a very special time indeed. You have the rest of your life to hold someone’s hand, to kiss his lips, to split a foot-long sub from Subway with him, to talk during movies, to swap backrubs, to fall asleep on his shoulder, to laugh together and to love each other.

When that time comes you’ll hardly remember the occasional pain of being single. And remember, the longer you wait for something the better it will be. You are still so young.

So don’t waste your time pining for what will be one day. It will happen. Don’t waste your emotions on the boys you so easily crush on. Instead focus your attention on God, other people and opportunities to be had.

…and so, I’m doing just that.


About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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11 Responses to a note to myself about being single…

  1. Lauren says:

    I absolutely love this, Hope. I really want to print a bunch of copies and pass this out to my Young Life girls. I wasted two years of my college experience on a guy that was never going to be my husband. I’ve thought about how different those two years could have been for me. If I hadn’t been with him, could I have been in a place for God to find my heart sooner? Would I have come away from college with deeper friendships with more people?

    I guess on the other hand, would I have had any mistakes to learn from for my marriage? Would my heart have opened up as much for God without going through that dark time? Would I appreciate my life and my husband as much if I didn’t have that time to compare it to? I think God knew that’s what it was going to take to prepare my heart for Eric. He had to break me first and rid me of myself.

    The fact that THIS gets to be your experience of preparation is amazing. As a result, I have no doubt that when God introduces you to your husband, he is going to be just as adventurous as you and will be just as ready for you as you are for him. And it will be passionate. And babies will be made. The end.

  2. Lindsay says:

    Hope, What a wonderful post… I’m 66 years and have struggled with singleness from time to time but on the whole share your sentiments. Now I work in a “ring by spring” culture. I’m marking your post to share with the desperate ones…

  3. b says:

    hopey this is so great. wonderful words. sometimes it’s so hard to to plan (in your head) what you want for right now and i think thats a huge thing girls our age (or any age really) struggle with trying to picture our future husbands and sizing up every other funny/cute/christian guy. it’s good to see you blooming through this time with God and seeing it for what it is more time to grown in relationship with Him….first before all other things.

    you rock

    i love you!

  4. Shannon says:

    I love you TONS, Hope Floats Naomi Christ Mendola. This post is incredible. I also journaled something akin to this last night… Yours was better, by far 🙂 Can’t wait to see you!

  5. justbeachie says:

    love it!!!

  6. jandbdance says:

    yes! you are not alone! reading this really helped me to feel better about my consistent status as a single lady. thank you 🙂

  7. Birkleigh Foreman says:

    i want to hug you. like right now. i can’t, but i can pray for your heart and our BIG spirits will be connected. you are the road to greatness. keep walking in patience and expectation. that’s why you’re hope. you have lots of it, and you give it freely. wuv you sis!

  8. Tessa Dale says:

    Thanks so much for adding AGA (www.allgirlsallowed.org) to your blogroll! 🙂 i especially liked this post as well. We appreciate the link, and you!

  9. Rainbow says:

    Love this. Love you. Lots lots lots.

  10. Thank you for this post!! One of my friends posted a link to your blog and I’m loving it.

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