I’ve been really crazy lately. Well, just the last two days. I think it’s because a sense of urgency is creeping into my veins – I only have three weeks left at home and then everything changes.
For six months I’ve avoided looking at my pictures from the World Race because the thought of it overwhelmed me, but yesterday something motivated me to do so and now I can’t stop. I stayed up until nearly 4 a.m. last night. I’m putting together all these videos and they keep playing over in my head when I’m doing something else.
This morning I ate chocolate cake for breakfast, and now I can’t tell if it’s the sugar or the sense of urgency I mentioned that is making me feel like my blood is full of Red Bull.
Recently I realized I’ve repressed a lot of processing I should’ve done for the World Race. Writing reflections on the year and looking at these pictures has allowed me to experience a flood of emotions that I guess I’ve prevented myself from feeling.
Also I’ve been reading a book by Sigmund Freud, so that probably has something to do with my repression paranoia.
I want to release all this repression before the new year, before my new season of life, but how do you do that? And how do you know when you have completely moved beyond something? Or do you ever? There are events and people from my past that I’m still attached to, because they’ve played a part in making me who I am, but does that mean I haven’t moved on in life?
I fear I won’t be able to move past the World Race until my parasite/bacteria infection stops haunting me. I’m on antibiotics again – the kind I’m taking doesn’t make me depressed like the one I took a few months ago, but it does make me tired and give me an irregular heart beat and causes me to have diarrhea, so how am I even supposed to know if it’s working or not?
I just reread this post and I really do sound like I’m crazy, but don’t worry about me – I’m fine. Craziness tends to be my nature. Also, “confusion” was listed as a side effect of my antibiotic, so maybe I’m suffering from that too.
I’m going to go run on the treadmill now, bye.