In my previous post I mentioned how my dad sat my sister’s boyfriend down and preached to him about the ten qualities that make a man. Today one of my friends asked me what those qualities were. I asked my dad, and to my surprise he seemed a little hesitant to tell me (what, is it like a secret that few have access to?) But I finally got it out of him. When I told him I was posting the qualities on my blog he said, “But they need explanation!”
….I’m not so sure about that. They seem pretty self-explanatory to me. But I’m a woman, and the title of the document was “10 Qualities Needed in Men to Show Love to Women.” So maybe that’s why I’m like DUH.
Anywho, here’s the list:
- Confident vs. indecisive
- Spiritual vs. worldly
- Sense of humor vs. grouchy
- Quick to listen vs. hard time listening
- Notices little things vs. unobservant
- Vulnerable vs. closed off emotionally
- Has a plan (knows where he is going in life) vs. aimless
- A “generous” provider vs. stingy
- Is there for them vs. cuts out
- Is a protector (of emotions and purity) vs. defrauds
(Adapted in part from a talk by Dave Ping)
Most of these qualities were what I expected. There were two, however, that surprised me. The first one was #3 – sense of humor vs. grouchy. I’ve heard/made many jokes about guys suffering from “that time of the month” because they can be so moody and grouchy sometimes. Sure, a guy can have a bad day every now and then. But recurring grouchiness and constant complaining and unstable emotions can be a pretty big turn off. It just seems pretty immature (aka not manly.) I’m sure it’s immature for girls too. But we’re talking about boys right now.
The other quality that surprised me (and equally delighted me) was #10 – protector of emotions and purity. When I read “protector” I started to roll my eyes, but then I saw it said “of emotions and purity” and that made me smile.
Let me explain.
I am NOT a damsel in distress. I’m not trapped at the top of a tower waiting for a man to slay a dragon and come save me. Often times on the World Race I felt like I was being treated in such a way – that if a “man” wasn’t there to physically protect me surely I would die, or something. It was extremely offensive and annoying. Not necessarily because a guy was trying to protect me, but because he sometimes seemed to have an ulterior motive in doing so (ie: to show off, to prove to himself and to others that he is a “man.”) The end result made me feel like an instrument, like a means to an end so boys could feel strong and mighty. This didn’t happen all the time and it certainly wasn’t every guy on my race, but it happened nevertheless. And it left me feeling tainted about being “protected” (or should I say used) by boys ever again.
So, like I said, when I read the word “protector” as a quality of a man I began to roll my eyes. But what follows is so true – a man is and should be a protector of our emotions and purity. With that I agree 100%. Don’t try to save me from a castle or a scary dragon, instead I’d like you to be a safe place. When I am anxious and hurt be my place of peace and comfort. Defend me not from physical harm but from the emotional abuse and defilement other people may inflict upon me. Protect my reputation. And my purity! Don’t ever make a move that I would have to stop. Don’t look at porn or entertain fantasies in your head. When you do that you are not a safe place and therefore not my protector.
And sure, if a dragon happens to come along and you have biceps big enough to slay it, by all means go ahead. Just don’t be offended if I’m not cowering in the corner and instead help you out a little. After all, I workout too.
Anyways. That is the list and those are my thoughts.