I have a bunch of half-written blogs, rants in my diary, jumbled thoughts inside my head. I’m finding it difficult to articulate myself these days…or at least today. But if I don’t try to put words to paper (slash computer) I may in fact go crazy. But what’s new.
Last night I looked at old pictures from college. It’s incredibly strange to me that I can forget so much of my life until a picture reminds me of who I used to be, who I used to know, where I used to go. College already feels so long ago. Some of these pictures had me bursting out with laughter – all my girls were asleep so I tried to stop. But I could’ve laughed for a good while.
Thankfully I made up for it today – I laughed so much. Leigha has this incredible ability to make me laugh harder than anyone I know. The first time she made me laugh really hard she thought I was mocking her and faking my laughter – but truly I couldn’t contain it.
I think I’m getting to the point where it’s going to be deeply painful to say goodbye, to leave this place and all the relationships that come with it. Sometimes it’s difficult for me to accept that some relationships are only for a season. I want to be friends with everyone forever. I’ve tried it…unfortunately it’s not really possible. And so I have to remind myself that when a relationship comes to an end it doesn’t lose its significance. Meaning, the value of the relationship isn’t lost even though the relationship is “over” in a sense. Sometimes I even think some relationships are extra special because they were only meant for a season.
Jonathan Safran Foer has this beautiful quote that I should probably get tattooed on my face…
“So many people enter and leave your life! Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in. But it also means you have to let them go.”
If you haven’t read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close you should. Not everyone likes it, but I think it’s brilliant. I was telling my girls about it and one of them was like, “Oh yeah…I think he came and spoke at my school in December. Actually yeah, he did.” And I was like WHAT I’M SO JEALOUS DID YOU GO AND MEET HIM OMG!? (…she didn’t.)
I haven’t been reading much lately, and that really irks me. I’ve read one book since being here – A Chance to Die by Elizabeth Elliot. My friend Erin gave it to me after I was rejected from Teach for America. She called me one gloomy morning in November and said I reminded her of this biography about a woman who trusted in God through the good times and bad. “I want you to read it, so I’m going to mail it to you,” Erin told me. I thought that was nice. I expected a tattered book that was probably bought at a garage sale for fifty cents. When I received the package in the mail, however, it was a brand new book – Erin paid full price online and had it shipped to me. Seriously, some people are so nice. I want to be like that. One time I bought a book for someone but it was only 1 cent on Amazon with $3.99 shipping…so I don’t think that really counts as much.
Welp…I have more to say, of course, but the day is getting away. Until next time…