blahhh and then i’m okay.

Oh Monday I wrote about leadership and by Wednesday I was done. Just done. I was so tired. I knew I needed to keep pushing but I didn’t want to. So I didn’t. As the day went on I shut down more and more – physically, emotionally, spiritually. My feet were dragging and my soul was too. I know I’m in a bad state when I sketch out a calendar, when I count down the days and cross them off as they pass. Also when my only desire is to sleep the next month away.

As always, it was a bunch of things that added up. Bad dreams, frustrations, decisions. Being sick of everything, of everyone.

I want to be one of those people who is unshakable during hard times… unfortunately I’m not one of them. I’m weak; I give into failure too easily. On Wednesday I didn’t care that I was failing, quitting, compromising myself and disowning God – I embraced it.

Thankfully, God knows how to deal with me. He showed me compassion combined with a good kick in the rear. It’s Friday night and I’m a different person than I was on Wednesday. I’m standing up again; I’m coming back to life. I will finish this thing running. Not sleeping.

I don’t know who initiated it, but tonight I found a bunch of encouraging notes on my bed. “Thanks for being such a great leader” “You can wake me up any time at night when you are having a bad dream” “Let us know if there is ever any way we can serve you” …

It made me want to cry. I am so undeserving. I know so little of God’s grace.

Next week one of my girls and I are going to stay with a family in the barrios. I believe it will be an incredible time. Bucket showers, stinky outhouse, sleeping on the floor, a break from leading. God knows exactly what I need.

Needless to say,  I’ll be leaving my homemade calendar behind.

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About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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3 Responses to blahhh and then i’m okay.

  1. Yamile says:

    Hi Hope! Danielle’s friend here.

    Just wanted to say that I have enjoyed reading about your journey in Nicaragua. You inspire me 🙂 Also wanted to encourage you with this: “who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning upon her beloved” -Song of Songs 8:5. The end of the story is that you will come up from the journey leaning on Him, full of love and victory. Blessings!

  2. marissa says:

    can’t wait to read all about your adventure.

  3. Lisa C says:

    bucket showers! come on, without those ‘nights on the floor’ when would you ever scream out ‘jesus, turn on the fan!’

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