the end is not my friend. or is it?

Oh man. I didn’t stay with a family this week like I was supposed to – things came up and plans were changed. Welcome to Nicaragua…welcome to life.

This week has been a whirlwind. Next week will be too. And the two after that. The end of this journey is rapidly approaching. I feel like I’m running downhill – I’m going so fast I’m about to trip over my feet and tumble the rest of the way. Why do things always seem to speed up at the end?

An addictive sense of urgency stalks me and my girls – we can’t escape it. It’s terrifying and exciting. I wonder why we couldn’t have been this way during the middle of our time here, when it felt like we had been here forever and the end was hopelessly out of sight.

I guess it takes an ending to get some people going. Not that we weren’t “going” before…but now we’re hauling it. And we’re having a lot of fun along the way. I think we appreciate each other more these days, because we realize we’ll hardly (if ever) see each other after this. All the little things that used to irritate me are now endearing. Again, I don’t know why it often takes an ending to make this happen.

Sometimes when one of us mentions “the end” I feel a sob catch in my throat. It’s brief, a mere flash of a feeling. In that moment I become aware of just how much love I carry for my girls, for the time we’ve had together here. How will I go on without them?

Today Brittany bought me a toothbrush. It sounds silly, but it meant so much to me. Last night I mentioned I needed a new toothbrush because mine was getting nasty – this afternoon Brittany bounced up and handed me a pretty, pink, Colgate toothbrush. The thing only cost 50 cents but her simple gift made me feel incredibly loved and known.

Every morning I wake up and see Wendi in bed across from me. Every night at dinner Jennifer gives me her veggies. Every time I hear someone in the market say “Frescaaaaa” I think of Leigha.

These girls, this place has become my life. May 15 and it’s all over.

The month before the World Race ended I would lie awake at night, unable to sleep because my mind couldn’t process the dramatic change that was about to take place in my life. I knew it was coming but there was little I could do to prepare myself. Now, nearly a year later, I’m still realizing how much changed that day I walked out of the LAX airport. In a moment all my World Race relationships became long distance. Distance changes everything. Well, a lot of things. Enough of things.

Everything is about to change again. All my present relationships are soon to become long distance. Again, there’s not much I can do to prepare myself. There’s nothing I can do to prevent it. My only choice is to enjoy these next 25 days to the best of my ability…no matter how quickly they fly by.


About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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One Response to the end is not my friend. or is it?

  1. marissa says:

    this makes me so grateful that you were a part of the end of my wr experience in thailand. remember our final debrief pact/dares? haha love you.

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