It’s one of those nights where I have a ton on my mind but my fingers are frozen – the computer screen stares back at me, waiting ever so patiently. I’m getting over myself and attempting one of those free style posts – I just turned on Pandora, so maybe that will help. The first song reminds me of a guy I liked earlier this year. My heart kind of winced when I heard it but I decided to leave it on. Must be victorious.
Today I went Christmas shopping with my 15-year-old brother. He has braces and glasses and is clearly going through adolescence, but he is taller than me so I wondered if people thought he was my boyfriend. I remember when I wondered if people thought he was my son. WEIRD.
We were at Best Buy and I was asking an employee if they had the Fleet Foxes album when I heard my name with a question mark, “Hope?” I turned and saw a bearded man looking at me curiously. My brain did a quick scan and I realized it was Eric Reynolds from high school. The only time I’ve seen/talked to him in the last seven years is when I randomly stayed with him in Seattle during my West Coast road trip a few years back. We hugged and I told him the tall person standing next to me was my brother and then we caught up on life and hugged goodbye. I hope to bump into him in another few years – maybe it can be our “thing.” It was a rush to see someone from high school – most of the time it scares me because I worry I won’t remember whoever it is and they’ll be like, “but we were best friends.”
Best Buy didn’t have the Fleet Foxes album, fyi.
Tonight I met up with one of my high school/current bffs at Panera. We sat by the fireplace and talked for hours – until after the store closed. But we didn’t know or care. When we finally left my heart was so full it hurt. I’m not exactly sure how that works, but I know it to be true.
My heart has been full of love and hurting a lot lately.
I was on the phone with a friend the other day and I confessed to her that as much as I love the holiday season, Christmas always makes me a little sad. Thankfully she understood what I meant even though I’m not sure I understand it myself.
There’s so much more stuff in my head (heart?) but it’s not coming out right now. I think I’ll try my diary instead.
All I know is I’m happy it’s this year and not last year or the year before.
Thank you, baby Jesus.