I laugh when I think about myself at the beginning of the World Race (August 2009) – that girl was such a different person. Yes, I had some stellar qualities that I still carry today, but I also had some junk. I was prideful and passive aggressive, I struggled with feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. Because I wasn’t a leader I didn’t show honor to the one on my team. I didn’t pick my teammates and I held that against them. During the second month I stormed off because Colin made a joke I didn’t like – I was easily offendable and quick to defend myself. Halfway through my race I was brokenhearted and a blubbering mess…
now I’m leading a World Race squad. Oh, the irony.
This season is a gift – it’s one of the most beautiful, redemptive experiences the LORD has granted me. I get to do the World Race again – this time as the best version of myself.
Every day is the best day of my life. I feel fully myself and I like who I am. My heart is whole and healthy. I’m not too concerned about the past or the future – I’m at peace exactly where I am.
The people around me are sacred treasures – my appreciation for them grows daily. My co leaders (Macgregor and Caitlin) are my team, my friends, my family. We laugh and cry and pray together, we fall asleep talking to each other, we feedback each other, we buy each other treats, we have nicknames and inside jokes, we are for each other in every situation. It’s not always easy, but it’s always good. If marriage is anything like what I have with them, then I have nothing to fear.
And then there’s my squad…
a group thick with creativity and humility. A group full of passion and service. When they worship corporately the Holy Spirit spills out like a waterfall. They are some of the nicest, coolest, most interesting people I’ve been blessed to know. My heart is whipped – they’ve won me over and there’s no going back. They are so much farther along on this journey than I was when I started back in 2009 – and because of that they will far surpass the place I was in when I ended the race. I can’t wait to see it happen.
And so, here I am now – two weeks into my second World Race – sitting on the floor in Guatemala, wearing the same shirt for the second day in a row. My hair is pulled up tight because it’s so hot and the bottom of my feet are covered in a layer of dirt. My stomach is full of beans and tortilla, my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude and love.
Second chances are a gift indeed.