It’s no secret that I’m 25 and still afraid of boys. Sure, I’ll be your friend – but anything beyond the realm of friendship and I start to feel like I’m being chased by one of those crazy chainsaw characters from a haunted house. Pounding heart, sweaty palms, screams for help. Yes, I have crushes, but when I think about having a boyfriend I want to hide under my bed. Maybe I exaggerate, maybe not.
I guess I have this fear that one day whatever guy likes me will discover I’m boring, because I am sometimes, or I’ll discover he’s boring and won’t like him anymore. I know romantic relationships work out for other people, but for myself I can’t imagine it.
This past week, however, I had a glimpse of how it could be.
Mac, Caitlin and I are in the process of training our replacement squad leaders. This means my girl Brittany and I were paired together for a bunch of traveling. In the last two weeks we’ve taken overnight trains, buses and taxis up and down Romania (not staying in one place for more than five days.) That much travel in so little time can be exhausting and stressful, but with Brittany I had the time of my life.
I wrote in my diary:
“Brittany and I travel so well together. We get along so well in general – we don’t have to try – it’s natural, it’s comfortable. Getting lost is an adventure as opposed to an inconvenience. Meeting quirky strangers is a pleasure. Sharing food is fun. We’re chill and we trust each other – that’s what makes it all work.”
Brittany and I talked about our relaxed approach to life and how people sometimes mistake us for being careless or incompetent. Other people usually take charge and we let them. But when no one is around we have no problem getting things done. We make decisions, we divide and conquer. Neither one of us fall into position of leader or follower – we tackle obstacles together.
I began to realize that if I could get along with a boy like I get along with Brittany then maybe having a boyfriend wouldn’t be so bad. Because with her even the boring things were fun.
Naturally, I put in a word with God (“I’ll take someone who’s chill, like Brittany, if that’s okay”) and I’m pleased to say today I’m a little less scared and a little more settled when I think about the way it could be…