I’ve heard it said that when a woman is loved by a man she has a certain glow about her. Last year that idea kind of annoyed me. What about all the women who aren’t loved by men? You know…like nuns, single female missionaries, and anyone else who is currently without the adoration of a man. CAN’T WE GLOW TOO!?
I think I’m discovering that yes, yes we can.
I went to Italy to fall in love with God; instead his love fell on me. And this love has followed me back to Ohio and now down to Georgia.
I know my last post was all YAY I’M BACK IN GEORGIA SURPRISE PARTY WOHOO! But, at the same time, coming back to a place that has transitioned and moved on without me has been hard. “I want to fit neatly back in – this isn’t exactly happening,” I wrote in my diary the other night.
It’s been easy and hard. The thing about Gainesville is so many people come and go – sometimes it’s hard to maintain deep relationships. Last night in particular I was feeling lonely. My roommates were gone and I didn’t know who to call. I said to God, “Can you have someone text me and invite me to hang out? PLEASE?” and seriously, seconds later, someone texted me and invited me over (my response: “OKAY YAY!!”)
I have non Christian friends who call that a coincidence. My heart knows that it is not.
After receiving that text, I thought about how God could’ve kept me all to himself that Saturday night to teach me a lesson or strengthen my character or something like that. You know, to prove that I don’t need to be desperate for people, only him. But his undeserved love was so much more profound.
These days with God I feel like the only girl in the room. When I fall asleep at night I feel so close to him, like he’s right there with me (it gets a little crowded with my sister sharing the bed too.)
Even though things aren’t always easy, I know he’s not out to make them hard. When I was in Italy I wrote, “My mindset is gradually changing – I’m believing once again that God is not only for me, he’s FOR me. No, not once again – even more so. Hence why I’m being forever changed. He’s my protector and I’m actually getting to experience that because I’m in situations that make me cry ‘help me, help me, help me. You have to come through.’ And of course, he always does.”
This week I’ve had moments of panic and moments of loneliness. And yet I find myself spoiled with a tender love that wipes away all my tears – sometimes before they even fall.
I can’t help but glow.