Three months ago I threw myself on my bed and wrote the following with tears streaming down my cheeks…
I will trust you.
Trust that you want me to be used
in my gifting,
You are a bigger fan of me
than I even am.
You want me to get there
more than I do.
I can’t make a wrong choice
as long as I’m following you.
Just like I was anxious to come down to Gainesville
and you surprised me with your love
will you also
after this anxiety.
You can see what I cannot
and you know better…
you know better.
I will not be satisfied with silver
when you extend me gold.
These days I find myself holding back tears because I am so overwhelmed with God’s faithfulness. I can now see what I was blinded to back then – I can see what he saw coming. He saw me in Thailand, eating rice and riding bikes. He saw elephants, tuk tuks and night markets. Sweat during the day and rain at night. Thai tea and foot massages. He saw me reunited once again with my squad, my people. He saw me being used in my gifting and calling. He saw me writing in my diary, “I couldn’t be happier.”
(I can’t even begin to imagine what else he has in store…)