to crazy and back again…

I didn’t feel myself on Saturday, it was just one of those off days.

Usually I’m normal, some days I’m crazy (…and not the cute Natalie-Portman-in-Garden State kind of crazy.) The kind of crazy that is anxious and irrational. Thankfully I have friends who listen to me and love me despite the kind of day I’m having. They let me talk in circles, they don’t try to fix me. And that means everything.

On Saturday night I decided to see a movie by myself.

But first I went to Barnes & Noble. I love browsing the journals that never change, the tiny books of wit and wisdom that no one ever buys, the magnets with cheesy quotes that speak to my soul, calenders with puppies or Paris on them, classic books I’ve read and have yet to read, magazines about science and celebrities and being seventeen, the travel section with all the places I’ve been or want to go. It was there I sat down on the floor, curled up my knees and opened a book about Mexico. And then Malaysia. I didn’t realize it until later, but my anxiety faded into excitement.

I bought my first Christmas present and walked outside, wondering if there was a Wendy’s nearby. I looked up and there was a bright, glowing Wendy’s sign right in front of me…as if a sign from God. I laughed.

I stuffed the frosty in my purse and bought a ticket for The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The guy who ripped my ticket affirmed my choice, “That’s a good one,” he said. I smiled and went into the theater, where I had a whole row to myself.  The first preview came on and within thirty seconds I was in tears. (I’m not a crier.)

I loved every minute of the movie. I laughed, I cried some more, I stayed until the credits finished rolling and the lights came on. When I walked out the ticket guy was still there, “did you cry?” he asked. “The tears are still wet on my face,” I answered.

It was cold and after midnight, but I drove straight to Walmart to buy the soundtrack. They didn’t have it, so I bought veggies instead.

I drove home jamming to Mumford and Sons, crawled into bed and fell asleep knowing that everything was going to be okay.

I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite. 

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About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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11 Responses to to crazy and back again…

  1. ah, friend! I’m so glad.

  2. melly welly belly says:

    yay

  3. shaynacraze says:

    “They let me talk in circles, they don’t try to fix me. And that means everything.” – Those are the best kinds of friends. You’re that kind of friend.

  4. Kacie Lynn says:

    I’m obsessed with your heart and with the way words dance together in your mind.

  5. Liz K. says:

    You seriously rock my world Hope. I am so blessed to know you. ❤

  6. glenalyn says:

    I saw it a week ago. Amazing, heart wrenching beautiful. Glad you got to it and the cathartic release 🙂

  7. chelseakim says:

    you’re not a sad storyyyy. ilove you.

  8. TL says:

    A Frosty is the best thing to sneak into a movie. I’m thankful for you and for movies that are best seen alone.

  9. Chelsea says:

    Have you read the book? It’s incredible! It’s the only book I have in my kindle for the race haha

  10. Emily Diehl says:

    hm, this makes me want to go see this movie

  11. Rashida says:

    UUUGHHHH!!!!! I had this EXACT plan 2 weeks ago. Allll I wanted to do was get me some cheap snacks, sneak them into the movie theater, settle in and watch Wallflower all by my lonesome. I actually turned down a hanging out with someone to do this by myself. Lo and behold, they aren’t showing it in Philadelphia. Closest theater was like 45min away and the showing times wouldn’t work. LE-SIGH! I’m determined to see this film. GRRRR LoL

    Okay, but great entry. You write fantastically.

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