Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life – well, valuable, but small…
(Kathleen Kelly, You’ve Got Mail.)
This quote sums up my current inspiration for life right now. Valuable, but small. This is why I got off Facebook. This is why I’m saying no to most social events. This is why I cooked a salmon dinner for myself and then took a bath the other night.
Small. Still. Quiet. Peaceful.
These words define the desire I have for this season.
The world was starting to get too large, too unmanageable. Everything was spinning and I couldn’t keep up. Before Christmas I wrote in my diary, “It’s all too much. I need to make life smaller. I need to be able to scale it. Right now I’m drowning.”
I decided to slow down and smell the flowers (or, in my case, the “vanilla firewood” candle I got for Christmas.)
Scaling life down to a more manageable size has been fabulous. I say no to most social things, which makes the specific things I say yes to more meaningful. Lazy weekend mornings with roommates. Lunch with girlfriends. Dinner with my best friend & her husband.
I have 0% fomo. Like, I don’t even have to fight the fear of missing out. It’s just not there.
Instead, I have more space to read. To go on walks. To write in my diary. To write blogs. To sleep in on a rainy Saturday.
I love not being on Facebook. My life feels less cluttered. If I could I would get rid of email too…
I’m reminded of the list “What I Won’t Miss” Nora Ephron made before she died (…she wrote & directed You’ve Got Mail, btw):
What I Won’t Miss
Bad dinners like the one we went to last night
Technology in general
Washing my hair
Polls that show that 32 percent of the American people believe in creationism
The collapse of the dollar
The sound of the vacuum cleaner
Emails. I know I already said it, but I want to emphasize it.
Panels on Women in Film
Taking off makeup every night.
And, because I love it, here’s her list of “What I Will Miss”:
What I Will Miss
The concept of waffles
A walk in the park
The idea of a walk in the park
Shakespeare in the Park
Reading in bed
The view out the window
Dinner at home just the two of us
Dinner with friends
Dinner with friends in cities where none of us lives
Next year in Istanbul
Pride and Prejudice
The Christmas tree
One for the table
Taking a bath
Coming over the bridge to Manhattan
She wrote the line about valuable, but small and I can tell by this list.
My counselor says I should go home more often, and I agree with her. Because I don’t know how long the people I’m surrounded by will be in my life. That leaves me a little unsettled. My family, however, is forever.
And so, as this new year & new season begin, I’m realigning my life. I’m coming back to center after letting myself get a bit off balance. I’m figuring out how to best invest my time and energy into things that matter in the long run.
I’m discovering the wonder of valuable, but small.
So far, so good.