I never wanted to marry young. Ever since high school I thought 26 or 27 would be a good age to start dating. There was too much to do before then…books to read, places to go, people to meet. I didn’t want anything or anyone holding me back.
Now I’m 27 and I definitely want to get married.
Turns out people have a lot of opinions about that.
I’m told my husband will come “if I just stop looking.”
No. False. I spent 25 years “not looking” and he never came. There have also been seasons in the last few years where I haven’t been looking – not in the least – yet he never appeared.
What does “stop looking” even mean? To stop wanting? To stop hoping? To never have a crush? It’s not like I’m throwing myself naked at men or writing my digits on bathroom stalls. I’m not a serial dater; I’m not desperate.
I just want to get married. Yet people tell me I should stop that, to “stop looking”- as if having the *desire* is the problem, the very obstacle holding me back from my one true love.
If only I could stop looking! Then he will magically appear before me on one knee, right??? ‘Cause that’s how life works.
When I read stories in the Bible I see people waiting, longing, hoping, expecting. To receieve something, to be freed from something. What I don’t see are verses telling those people to stop looking for what they want, because then they will surely receive it.
Instead, by faith by faith by faith.
I 100% believe that God is intentional with our seasons of waiting & wanting. He doesn’t want us to yearn for anything more than we yearn for Him, but I don’t believe he wants us to repress our longing for husband / baby / job / whatever. He wants for us to turn to him with that longing. Not to ignore it.
Another concern people have when they discover I want to get married is that I’m not “content.” Because clearly if I were content I wouldn’t want anything I don’t have.
Is that what being content means? Not wanting anything… ever?
Let me tell you this. I love my life. I love living in the South, where my car isn’t covered in snow November-March. I love working at a place where I can rock purple hair and tattoos. And somehow I’ve hit the jackpot with relationships- friends and family and roommates galore.
Not only am I content with my life, I freaking love it.
I also want to get married.
Wanting to get married doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for all those things I mentioned. I still love them. And I want a husband. Can it really be???
Other things I’ve been told: “you’re too picky” (cough cough mom) and “instead of waiting for your husband to come, you should work on becoming the kind of wife God wants you to be.”
Does this mean I need to memorize Proverbs 31?
I get that people have good intentions, that they want to help. But what they’re communicating when they say these things is “the reason you aren’t married yet is because you’re doing something wrong.” If you would just stop doing this or start doing that, then you’ll get what you want.
It’s very disheartening… if not a bit demeaning.
People don’t say that to women who want to have kids, but can’t… do they? Or to someone who is unemployed and looking for a job? Someone who is waiting and longing for physical healing?
Sometimes life doesn’t play out the way we want. And so we hope. We wait. We cry to our counselor and we wipe our tears away, ready to face another day.
We pray to God for strength.
Waiting isn’t easy, and that’s okay. There isn’t a formula for everything. This life is about living in the tension between making the most of it and waiting, longing, for what is to come. The earth is groaning in anticipation! We don’t tell the rocks and mountains to just stop looking…
I can’t speak for the other single ladies out there, but I’ll go ahead and speak for myself. When I tell you I want to get married please don’t try to fix me. Don’t accuse me of being discontent. Just listen. Pray for me instead. Lend me some faith when mine is slipping away. That’s all I really want. (Ice cream doesn’t hurt either…)
I’ll do the same for you, whatever it is you may be longing for.
And if you happen to know a great, single, bearded guy who wouldn’t mind a feisty female by his side…that’s cool too.