Two years ago I wrote a post about being 26 and single. According to my WordPress stats, it’s the most viewed post on my blog. One year later I wrote a post about being 27 and single. (That one is in my top ten most viewed.)
Now that I’m 28 and single… I figured I might as well continue the tradition. Woot.
So. Most people my age have been married five years and are on their second kid. Or at least married and purposely not having kids. Or so it seems.
I was invited to 17 weddings last year.
I only made it to four of those weddings, but I spent hundreds of dollars mailing gifts to some of the newlyweds, as well as a chunk of money on the wedding I was privileged to stand in.
I’m happy to celebrate with those who are walking down the aisle or welcoming their first (….or second) child.
At the same time, these milestones tend to remind me of what I don’t have (hubby & baby.) Imagine that.
I’m not someone who wanted to be a mom yesterday, but a husband would be nice. Sometimes it’s hard not to wonder, “wait, did I do something wrong? How did THAT person get married before me?”
If you’re 28+ and single, you know what I’m talking about.
Life isn’t fair. So we date and hope for the best.
At 28, I’ve learned that LOTS of people have opinions about my dating life. The most popular opinions seem to be either “you know” or “you choose.”
Let me explain.
This time last year I cried to my counselor about boys, dating, marriage, the where-are-you-God-and-why-have-you-forgotten-me feeling… aka the works. I had dated two guys in 2013 – two great guys. But I was never sure with them. I wondered if I was just supposed to pick one and make it work, because love in a choice.
Clearly love is about cleaning the bathtub, not butterflies in your stomach.
I asked my counselor what she thought. Did I just need to suck it up and marry the next great guy that came along, even if I wasn’t excited about it?
My counselor shook her head. “You’ll know,” she said. “You’ll know when it’s him. And you’ll be elated.”
“I want to believe you,” I said. “But I don’t. Fairy tales aren’t real.”
Didn’t she know marriage was about holiness, not happiness?
Some people believe that somewhere along the way, you get an unexplainable feeling in your gut that tells you this is it, this is the one. You know that you know.
Other people think that’s silly and basing too much on a feeling. They believe you can make anything work if you try. So why are you waiting around? Just choose someone and the love will follow. Attraction will grow.
Every time I date someone, I hear both sides. Every. Time. And people are very passionate about which side they believe in.
Hold out for someone! Stop being so picky! The right guy will come and you’ll know! The right guy is whoever you choose!
I’ve learned to stop asking for so much advice. It’s not helpful. It’s stressful. Besides, at this point I already know who the “knowers” and the “choosers” are, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard all the stories/all the arguments. This person fell in love at first sight, this person fought for love through years of marriage counseling.
There are always two sides.
I don’t have it all figured out.
This much I do know: I’m 28 and single and sometimes weddings remind me of what I don’t have, but I’m also hopeful for what’s in store. Maybe I’ll know, maybe I’ll choose, maybe it will be a little bit of both.
I also know this: people are going to be fist pumping like mad at my wedding.
Here’s to not having to write on being 29 and single next year…