on being 28 and single…

Two years ago I wrote a post about being 26 and single. According to my WordPress stats, it’s the most viewed post on my blog. One year later I wrote a post about being 27 and single. (That one is in my top ten most viewed.)

Now that I’m 28 and single… I figured I might as well continue the tradition. Woot.

So. Most people my age have been married five years and are on their second kid. Or at least married and purposely not having kids. Or so it seems.

I was invited to 17 weddings last year.

wedding2

never a bride, always a….

I only made it to four of those weddings, but I spent hundreds of dollars mailing gifts to some of the newlyweds, as well as a chunk of money on the wedding I was privileged to stand in.

I’m happy to celebrate with those who are walking down the aisle or welcoming their first (….or second) child.

aisli

roomies

At the same time, these milestones tend to remind me of what I don’t have (hubby & baby.) Imagine that.

I’m not someone who wanted to be a mom yesterday, but a husband would be nice. Sometimes it’s hard not to wonder, “wait, did I do something wrong? How did THAT person get married before me?”

If you’re 28+ and single, you know what I’m talking about.

Life isn’t fair. So we date and hope for the best.

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At 28, I’ve learned that LOTS of people have opinions about my dating life. The most popular opinions seem to be either “you know” or “you choose.”

Let me explain.

This time last year I cried to my counselor about boys, dating, marriage, the where-are-you-God-and-why-have-you-forgotten-me feeling… aka the works. I had dated two guys in 2013 – two great guys. But I was never sure with them. I wondered if I was just supposed to pick one and make it work, because love in a choice.

Clearly love is about cleaning the bathtub, not butterflies in your stomach.

I asked my counselor what she thought. Did I just need to suck it up and marry the next great guy that came along, even if I wasn’t excited about it?

My counselor shook her head. “You’ll know,” she said. “You’ll know when it’s him. And you’ll be elated.”

“I want to believe you,” I said. “But I don’t. Fairy tales aren’t real.”

Didn’t she know marriage was about holiness, not happiness?

Some people believe that somewhere along the way, you get an unexplainable feeling in your gut that tells you this is it, this is the one. You know that you know.

The-notebook-couple-the-notebook-35620978-500-343

Other people think that’s silly and basing too much on a feeling. They believe you can make anything work if you try. So why are you waiting around? Just choose someone and the love will follow. Attraction will grow.

Every time I date someone, I hear both sides. Every. Time. And people are very passionate about which side they believe in.

Hold out for someone! Stop being so picky! The right guy will come and you’ll know! The right guy is whoever you choose!

I’ve learned to stop asking for so much advice. It’s not helpful. It’s stressful. Besides, at this point I already know who the “knowers” and the “choosers” are, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard all the stories/all the arguments. This person fell in love at first sight, this person fought for love through years of marriage counseling.

There are always two sides.

I don’t have it all figured out.

This much I do know: I’m 28 and single and sometimes weddings remind me of what I don’t have, but I’m also hopeful for what’s in store. Maybe I’ll know, maybe I’ll choose, maybe it will be a little bit of both.

I also know this: people are going to be fist pumping like mad at my wedding.

Here’s to not having to write on being 29 and single next year…

fingers crossed.

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About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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19 Responses to on being 28 and single…

  1. Hmmm….yeah I hope by the end of the year I don’t have to be 30 and single…I’ll join you in such prayer! Ohh interesting thought there, not sure where that one came from haha…ummm…thanks for always sharing such insightful things friend!

  2. alysseay says:

    I love that every time I read your posts I feel less alone. I love you Hope and I love the way you live your life. It was good to see you, even if it was brief.

  3. lizziebee53 says:

    girl, we need to chat about this!! miss you!

  4. Abby says:

    Fist pumping like mad 🙂 This is great Hope! I always look forward to those emails I get from an update to your blog. Can’t wait to hug ya in a couple weeks!

  5. tempowriter says:

    You were invited to 17 weddings last year! That is like 15 more weddings you have been invited to just last year than I have been invited to in my whole life :O

  6. I’m a complete stranger, and to be honest, I cannot even remember how I stumbled upon your blog. BUT I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it for the past few years since you returned from the World Race (well, that makes me sound like a creeper). I am a couple years behind on this {oh so fun} journey of singleness, but I just wanted you to know that your words here on this blog have been so encouraging to me. God has used your blog to speak to me. I appreciate your honesty more than you know, and I 100% relate to that advice stuff and how overwhelming that has been to me. I’ll be praying for you as God works in your life in 2015.

    • Hope Naomi says:

      Hey Jenna! Thanks so much for your comment… your words encourage me. Good luck/God bless on your own singleness journey. It’s a ride indeed :))

      P.S. If you’re a creeper then I am too… I love strangers!!

  7. Ryan says:

    Hope,

    I love this song so much. I just had the guys on my squad listen to it last night and told them that I listen to it when I get down about being single and start to doubt that ill ever find the “right” one!

    Keep HOPING, keep trusting, and keep waiting…

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y

    Ps- remind to share something with you in the DR that my Uncle told me that has rocked my view on the choosing or knowing scenerio!

    Ry

  8. Ryan says:

    Love this,

    Keep HOPING, Trusting, and waiting!

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y

    Ephesians 3:20 style!

    See ya soon,

    Ry

    ryanotto.theworldrace.org

    “Preach the Gospel at all times, but only when necessary, use words” – Francis of Assisi

    * For this is true love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another then… God lives in us and His love is made complete in us – 1 John 4:10-12

  9. jmminor says:

    As always, you write so beautifully and hit the nail on the head. Love it!

  10. Bex says:

    I’m 26 and single and just stumbled across your little series. I’m sitting here in tears because it feels so good to remember that I’m not alone, and that the struggle is real, ie I’m not crazy or desperate or lacking in my God life because I have all of these feelings.

    I’ll pray that next year you’ll be writing about 29 and in love- because that will remind me that God is faithful and not only hears but inspires the longing of our hearts.

    • Hope Naomi says:

      Bex, thanks for your comment (and your prayers!) I am definitely hoping for 29 to be my year 🙂

      And yes, the struggle is definitely real. Don’t ever let people make you feel like you’re doing something wrong – i.e. not being content – because you have the desire to get married. The desire is a beautiful thing (even though the ache is painful sometimes.) I have hope for a wonderful, handsome, hilarious man to knock you off your feet. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing in holding out for him.

      So much love to you! xo.

  11. Pingback: on being 29 and single… | Far from what I once was…

  12. Pingback: on being 30 and falling in love for the first time: | Far from what I once was…

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