a follow-up to “on being 29 and single.”

When a Christian single person mentions their desire to get married, it is not uncommon for him or her to be met with a concerned look and a slight rebuke. Something along the lines of: “Perhaps instead you should to work on being content with where God has you.”

(Am I right, or am I right?)

In other words, it is only when a single person completely eradicates their desire for marriage that God will offer it to them. Until then, wanting to get married is clearly an idol in their life.

I’d like to unpackage this idea, because I don’t think it’s true.

Let’s start by seeing what the Bible has to say.

When God creates everything in Genesis 1 we are told “God saw that it was good” three times.

In the next chapter, God sees something that is NOT good.

Adam, alone.

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone…”

Interesting.

So there’s Adam, chillin’ in the garden with all his furry friends, in pure unity with God, and God is the one who isn’t content with this.

Adam has everything! Yet it isn’t enough.

God doesn’t sit down with Adam, look him in the eye, and tell him to be more content.

Instead he creates a woman.

Wo-man.

Not another bro.

Isn’t that interesting? God could have created another man. They could have tromped around the garden, chasing bears and riding bulls and beating their chests.

But God didn’t do that.

God created woman. God created romance. God created marriage.

God did. Hollywood didn’t.

So when people have the desire to get married, they are craving something God created. It’s not wrong; it’s not a sin. It’s holy.

What if the next time you hear someone say they want to get married, you respond with, “REALLY? You want to experience this beautiful thing God created? That’s amazing!

Or maybe, “You want to submit and sacrifice and serve another person every day for the rest of your life? In order to represent the mystery of Christ? You want to forsake your independence for covenant? YOU GO GLEN COCO!”

I get that not everyone wants to get married for the right reasons. I understand that sometimes people are searching for love/intimacy/affirmation when the only true way to receive that is through our Heavenly Father. And yes, I understand that sometimes people romanticize marriage – thinking it’s rainbows and butterflies over plunging the toilet and working through conflict.

Even so, I think people could use a little less correction and a little more encouragement in this area. After all, who are we to judge?

Again, wanting to get married isn’t a bad thing. IT’S A GOOD THING. It’s aligning with God’s desire. It was his desire for man to not be alone. It’s his desire for people to get married, have sex and make babies. We need to remember that. We need to celebrate it, not condemn it.

A couple of years ago I really wrestled with the desire I had for marriage. I didn’t like it (the desire.) It felt like a burden, a weight I didn’t want to carry. I couldn’t control it or wish it away. It made me feel crazy. I cried to my counselor about it one day. She looked at me kindly and told me it was a natural thing, that biologically I was designed to desire husband/kids/nesting, especially during the stage of life I was in.

That has always stuck with me. The way she said it was so matter-of-fact, as if she was talking about my body’s desire for food and water. It’s natural. It’s normal.

I am grateful for my life; I am content with it. I also have a natural and spiritual desire for marriage.

Isn’t that awesome???:)

younglady2315953

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About Hope Naomi

Lover of all things tea and travel.
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18 Responses to a follow-up to “on being 29 and single.”

  1. Yes. The first part reminds me of ‘The Meaning of Marriage’ by Timothy Keller and his wife. If you haven’t read it, then you should and read it again and digest it. Haha. 🙂

  2. linderlou5 says:

    This is literally(and I never misuse that word) the BEST thing I’ve ever read on singleness.

  3. alysseay says:

    You go Glen Coco, you go! 🙂

  4. Kacie Lynn says:

    I hope that you don’t mind that I just blasted this to all of my social media because I think that anyone, in any life/relationship stage, could use your honesty and wisdom on this as a refresher/crash course on loving each other in the seasons of life God has us each in. Thanks for writing ❤

  5. Bex says:

    THANK YOU. I’ve been made to feel, especially in the Church World, that desiring marriage is just silly and romantic, because as a young woman in Christ I should be focused on doing Great Things for Him and being ambitious with a career, etc. In Christian colleges they joke about that “ring by spring” and “MRS degree.” It’s ridiculed.

    And would you believe me if I told you that when I’ve said to my friends who got married at 20 and 22 and 19 and 24 are the ones that roll their eyes at me when I say I’d like to meet someone? And not because they’re unhappy, because I am so “silly, needy and lonely” to want a husband.

    Excuse me but since when is marriage and motherhood against God’s plan? And since when is it impossible to do great things for God as a married person?

    AND (while I’m ranting anyway) it’s such a double standard given the Church’s ideals of holy marriage and whole families. Marriage and family is preached and celebrated… So why am I not encouraged in my desire for such?

    I get what Paul says as I am experiencing it now (albeit two years behind you) but I refuse to believe the desires of my heart are unholy.

    Thanks, Hope, for letting me walk with you each year. You’re a blessing and an encouragement for those of us still laboring out here in the fields 😉

  6. tanya says:

    Naomi Ive been reading your blog for years.. If you ever in Seattle area, i would love to grab a cup of coffee with you.

    • Hope Naomi says:

      Hey Tanya! That would be awesome! I have some friends in Seattle, so it’s on my list of places to visit someday soon(ishhhhh) – it would be great to meet up when I finally make it over there!

  7. Brittany says:

    Hope I was cracking up and agreeing with everything you said in this blog.
    My favorite part? “Isn’t that interesting? God could have created another man. They could have tromped around the garden, chasing bears and riding bulls and beating their chests” haha.
    But for real, thank you for expressing what many of us struggle with, I really needed to hear this!

  8. Jennifer says:

    Awesome. You go, girl! I couldn’t agree more.

  9. Liz says:

    I just spent the past half hour immersed in the journey of your singleness. Your experience and attitude toward it completely shifted my perspective on not having a companion. Thanks for being real.

  10. I am not sure how I missed this when you wrote it, but I found it today and I am so glad I did. It is everything I would have wanted to say, only stated way better than I could have said it. Thanks for writing this and thanks for your constant encouragement in my life.

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