When a Christian single person mentions their desire to get married, it is not uncommon for him or her to be met with a concerned look and a slight rebuke. Something along the lines of: “Perhaps instead you should to work on being content with where God has you.”
(Am I right, or am I right?)
In other words, it is only when a single person completely eradicates their desire for marriage that God will offer it to them. Until then, wanting to get married is clearly an idol in their life.
I’d like to unpackage this idea, because I don’t think it’s true.
Let’s start by seeing what the Bible has to say.
When God creates everything in Genesis 1 we are told “God saw that it was good” three times.
In the next chapter, God sees something that is NOT good.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone…”
So there’s Adam, chillin’ in the garden with all his furry friends, in pure unity with God, and God is the one who isn’t content with this.
Adam has everything! Yet it isn’t enough.
God doesn’t sit down with Adam, look him in the eye, and tell him to be more content.
Instead he creates a woman.
Not another bro.
Isn’t that interesting? God could have created another man. They could have tromped around the garden, chasing bears and riding bulls and beating their chests.
But God didn’t do that.
God created woman. God created romance. God created marriage.
God did. Hollywood didn’t.
So when people have the desire to get married, they are craving something God created. It’s not wrong; it’s not a sin. It’s holy.
What if the next time you hear someone say they want to get married, you respond with, “REALLY? You want to experience this beautiful thing God created? That’s amazing!”
Or maybe, “You want to submit and sacrifice and serve another person every day for the rest of your life? In order to represent the mystery of Christ? You want to forsake your independence for covenant? YOU GO GLEN COCO!”
I get that not everyone wants to get married for the right reasons. I understand that sometimes people are searching for love/intimacy/affirmation when the only true way to receive that is through our Heavenly Father. And yes, I understand that sometimes people romanticize marriage – thinking it’s rainbows and butterflies over plunging the toilet and working through conflict.
Even so, I think people could use a little less correction and a little more encouragement in this area. After all, who are we to judge?
Again, wanting to get married isn’t a bad thing. IT’S A GOOD THING. It’s aligning with God’s desire. It was his desire for man to not be alone. It’s his desire for people to get married, have sex and make babies. We need to remember that. We need to celebrate it, not condemn it.
A couple of years ago I really wrestled with the desire I had for marriage. I didn’t like it (the desire.) It felt like a burden, a weight I didn’t want to carry. I couldn’t control it or wish it away. It made me feel crazy. I cried to my counselor about it one day. She looked at me kindly and told me it was a natural thing, that biologically I was designed to desire husband/kids/nesting, especially during the stage of life I was in.
That has always stuck with me. The way she said it was so matter-of-fact, as if she was talking about my body’s desire for food and water. It’s natural. It’s normal.
I am grateful for my life; I am content with it. I also have a natural and spiritual desire for marriage.
Isn’t that awesome???:)