I found out I was pregnant on June 17th. It was a Wednesday night. I’ll never forget the shock I felt when that pink line showed up. I took the test because I was certain I wasn’t pregnant and wanted to diminish any thread of hope that remained. I didn’t expect the pink line. And yet there it was. Tears filled my eyes.
I took Levi on a walk earlier that day to grieve not being pregnant. I didn’t think I was pregnant because I had all the signs that my period was starting. So I walked and prayed and grieved with God. Any woman trying to get pregnant who doesn’t get pregnant knows the feeling. (I had a negative pregnancy test the month before.) As I was walking, I tried to mentally prepare myself for it to take months and months and months to get pregnant – and even then there was no assurance I would. But then God reminded me of a dream he gave me before I was pregnant with Levi – a dream that I gave birth to a baby girl. It gave me hope.
A couple hours later, that pink line changed everything. My grief turned into celebration. I wanted to start texting people the news (friends who knew I was trying), but instead, I choose to savor the moment in my journal with God.
Justin was out with some friends, which made me happy because I could surprise him with the news (we were together when we found out I was pregnant with Levi.) Father’s Day was that following Sunday, so I decided to wait until then.
Waiting four days felt like torture. I wondered if this is what guys feel like before they propose. I swear he knew I was pregnant (he didn’t know.)
Father’s Day finally rolled around. I gave him his gift – tie clips, a wallet, and a toddler t-shirt that said “BIG BRO.” His eyes also filled with tears when he found out.
Two weeks later, on July 3rd, I bought this onesie/dress in prophetic anticipation of a girl, knowing I wouldn’t find out the sex until my 20-week anatomy scan in October.
We would see Mendola family at the end of July and Wong family in August, so we decided to wait to tell them in person. In the meantime, we started sharing the news with close friends.
That first month of knowing you’re pregnant is so strange because apart from that pink line and any symptoms you may have, you don’t get actual confirmation until you go to the doctor at 8 weeks (for those who don’t know, you don’t find out you’re pregnant until 4 weeks.) With both pregnancies, I held my breath until that 8 week appointment, knowing how common miscarriages are. It was harder to wait with my first pregnancy – I was so so scared of losing the baby. I was scared with this one, too, but not as much. Going through one round of pregnancy, labor, and delivery truly shows you how not in control we are, which in turn makes it easier to trust God.
With my first pregnancy, I was barfing my guts out from the very beginning and more exhausted than I’ve ever been in my LIFE. It was truly awful. I gained a whole new appreciation for women and how hardcore we truly are.
During the first trimester with this babe, I was more tired but not completely zonked. I was definitely queasy, and sometimes nauseous, but I didn’t throw up until my 2nd trimester (and that was only one time – though it was rough.) I started taking a morning sickness ‘mocktail’ the day I found out I was pregnant – I don’t doubt that helped a LOT.
Finally, at 8 weeks, I saw my little gummy bear baby on an ultrasound. She was alive. I was relieved. (I also didn’t know she was a girl then…)
We told our families.
Another month passed by, another doctor’s appointment. Another breath of relief to make it to 12 weeks.
We announced the news online.
At 20 weeks (the middle of October), we found out we were having a girl. I couldn’t believe it. Leading up to the ultrasound, I thought it was a girl, but then I freaked myself out because I thought Levi was a girl and when I found out he was a boy I was confused and disappointed. I didn’t want that to happen again so I started mentally preparing for a boy – only to be told it was a girl! That dream I had from God was fulfilled. (It still feels too good to be true!)
I was curious how my body would do between 20-30 weeks of pregnancy, because with my first pregnancy that’s when my hips really started hurting (shooting pain whenever I stood up) and I could barely breathe. Thankfully, I haven’t had the same issues this time around. There have definitely been moments when it’s been hard to breathe, but with my first pregnancy it was much much worse.
Overall, I think my first pregnancy broke my body in and now that I’m pregnant again my body is used to it (like muscle memory) – everything has been much easier this time around! A pleasant surprise. There are definitely still aches and pains and lack of sleep (blah) but it all pales in comparison to my first pregnancy.
I’m nearly 36 weeks pregnant now – just 4 more weeks to go (or maybe less!)
I know the holiday season recently ended but it feels like Christmas all over again – mainly the anticipation of something so good. Now that I’ve experienced birth and the newborn stage, I’m even MORE excited for it this time around (while also dreading the hard parts that come with it…) I’ll always remember slowly lowering myself into the bathtub a few days after Levi was born and thinking, “why didn’t anyone tell me it would hurt this much!?” I hurt in places I didn’t know existed. And yet it was all worth it a hundred times over (obviously because I’m doing it again!)
I’ve cherished being pregnant during 2020 and into 2021 because it has continued to be a sign that there is hope whether we see it or not. It’s there, it’s growing, it will be born…
Stay tuned for my birth story!